Disclaimer: I am not a doctor, counselor nor
a specialist. The things I say in here are not for medicinal
purposes. I have found that writing helps ease my anxiety and the
symptoms that go along with it. This is not meant to harm, offend or
piss anyone off. These are MY thoughts and feelings and I've added some
comedy relief. This is the way I am dealing with anxiety. It has been
said that laughter is the BEST medicine, although I've had to take
Lortabs in the past so I tend to disagree. But a nyways...grab a seat, a
Xanax, do some deep breathing and enjoy yourself.
Some people think that if you busy yourself with things to do, that anxiety will stay away. And it will temporarily. Anxiety/Panic attacks are oxymorons. They're dumb, but oh so smart.
The tricky thing about anxiety and panic attacks is, it doesn't check your schedule to see if you have time to panic and be anxious. It doesn't sync with your calendar on your phone to see what times and days you have available to be anxious. You won't open your daily planner and see: You're scheduled to be anxious on Wednesday and Friday and EXTREMELY anxious on Saturday. Sunday you're scheduled to have a full blown panic attack somewhere between 11am and 4pm with LOTS of physical symptoms that won't go away immediately after, so make sure you're at home.
I'm a Stay At Home Mother with a VERY active 21 month old. He wants to climb out of his play area, knock stuff down, change the channel on the cable box, look out the blinds (which wouldn't be so bad if he wasn't using all the force in his 31 pound body to pull on the blinds to look out of them), etc. etc. so on and so on. He requires 24 hour monitoring. While drinking his juice, he likes to spit it out on his clothes. While eating, he likes to throw food on the flood, behind him and down his shirt. I can't even clean up the house most days because I have to constantly keep my eye on him. He's a typical toddler.
If I have any errands to run, then I have to drag the midget all over town with me. He's usually pretty good but we all know you can move faster by yourself. But I don't mind taking him along. We talk and see stuff and if he's good, I'll grab him some Teddy Grahams or a bag of apple slices from Sonic so he can munch on.
Then once my husband gets home, if I haven't already started dinner, then I have to do that. And clean up. And do anything else I need to do. Oh, I have to find 2-3 days to make it to the Y and do my 45 minute workout. *whew*
With all that on my plate five days a week, where do I have time to be anxious? I don't! And if anxiety was to schedule a time with me, I'd have to cancel and tell it to try again next week or next month. In a perfect world...
But this world isn't perfect. People that have anxiety/panic attacks have attacks whether they're bogged down with things to do or sitting at home watching paint dry. I've learned that the hard way. Anxiety/panic attacks do not care. They're ruthless. It has no respect for you, your time or your feelings. It doesn't care if you're in a room by yourself or a room full of people.
Anxiety - you....YOU SUCK. And I don't have time for you anymore. Consider yourself evicted! In a perfect world....
And So It Goes....
Disclaimer: I am not a doctor, counselor nor
a specialist. The things I say in here are not for medicinal
purposes. I have found that writing helps ease my anxiety and the
symptoms that go along with it. This is not meant to harm, offend or
piss anyone off. These are MY thoughts and feelings and I've added some
comedy relief. This is the way I am dealing with anxiety. It has been
said that laughter is the BEST medicine, although I've had to take
Lortabs in the past so I tend to disagree. But a nyways...grab a seat, a
Xanax, do some deep breathing and enjoy yourself.
It's THAT time of the year again.
I, personally, am thankful and blessed to have a WONDERFUL husband, an AWESOME son and family to spend the holidays with. Some, however, aren't that fortunate.
I always wish there was something I could do for the sick and shut in during these times. My husband was in the hospital for most of the holiday season last year and I saw people that didn't have friends or family visit them and it can tug on your heart strings.
This year I'm also more partial to people with anxiety and depression. They've either lost family members (whether they passed away or the anxiety has made them separate themselves from the family) and this time of year can deepen the depression/anxiety.
To people with anxiety/depression, we'll often stay away from gatherings anyway, but ESPECIALLY at Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner? Why? There are hundreds of reasons why. You think that if someone knows about your "condition" they'll tell other family members and you're wondering if Uncle Joe is looking at you because he hasn't seen you in a year or because he's thinking "Yeah...I heard she's crazy now"
You think that once you sit down to dinner and start feeling anxious, because of all the activity going on around you, that will heighten your anxiety and you'll start acting weird and run out of the house screaming, ripping your hair out follicle by follicle or stripping your clothes off in the middle of the street because you're in such a tizzy.
People are sitting around talking and laughing, but you're tired of the facade. Instead of participating in the cooking, making dinner preparation or trips down memory lane conversations, you sit there pretending to watch the Packers game or read a book/magazine. Truth is, you're not happy and you have nothing to say to anybody because you don't want to bring down the mood of the atmosphere.
Xanax (or whatever medication you're taking) is now your security blanket. Commercials on TV and radio taunt you. I mean, you can't even go into McDonalds without Christmas being shoved down your throat. This makes you extra, extra anxious. Unfortunately, for people that are extremely lonely or depressed, this is where illegal drugs and heavy alcohol come into play.
This is my first year dealing with anxiety/depression so I don't know how I'm going to feel on Thanksgiving Day when my husbands family gathers at his grandmothers house. Will I go or will I stay at home? I can't determine that yet. In my mind, I really want to go because I always enjoy myself. AT THE SAME TIME, I don't want to have a "moment" or be in a mood and have my aura interrupt the good time they're having.
So if you know someone with anxiety/depression don't FORCE them to come to your granny's house or your best friends cousins house for dinner. Ask them to stop by. If they decline, tell them you want to come pay them a visit. If they decline that offer, don't feel bad or get mad at them. You remember that old break up like "It's not you, it's me"? Well it REALLY is them and you've got to respect their feelings and wishes as you want yours respected. You've reached out and to them and that shows you care. I don't know about anyone else, but that would make me feel damn special!
And So It Goes.....
Disclaimer: I am not a doctor, counselor nor
a specialist. The things I say in here are not for medicinal
purposes. I have found that writing helps ease my anxiety and the
symptoms that go along with it. This is not meant to harm, offend or
piss anyone off. These are MY thoughts and feelings and I've added some
comedy relief. This is the way I am dealing with anxiety. It has been
said that laughter is the BEST medicine, although I've had to take
Lortabs in the past so I tend to disagree. But a nyways...grab a seat, a
Xanax, do some deep breathing and enjoy yourself.
*in my Sophia Patrillo voice* Picture this.... *insert your city/state name here*....2013....
Imagine you got a good paying job. In a two week time frame, you work your 80 hours and get your paycheck and see how much it is AFTER taxes and you're yelling "BALLER". The next two weeks you work your 80 hours and get your paycheck and its the same amount. This is a job you like AND the pay is great.
Then six months in, you work your 80 hours in a two week time frame but your pay check is $100 short. You ask payroll why and they tell you "We had to print your check because you don't have direct deposit so we charge for that" You're upset and start making phone calls to the EEOC and writing letters to Call For Action because you're sure you're getting ripped off. In the meantime, you switch to direct deposit because you don't want to pay that extra $100. The next two weeks come and go, you worked your 80 hours and you get your check and now its $200 short. NOW you're spitting lava. You stomp up to payroll and they tell you $100 of that went into processing paperwork for your direct deposit and the other $100 was a fee they charged you from switching from a paper check to direct deposit.
You're now LIVID. You still hadn't received a call back from the EEOC and Call For Action said they got your letter and someone will call you back ASAP.
You work your 80 hours and get your paycheck and now it's $300 short. You make it to payroll so fast you're not sure your feet actually touched the ground. This week they tell you that $100 was for you coming to talk to them two weeks ago and was an agent fee, $100 was taken because the company switched payroll systems and they had to re-enter your information and was a processing fee and the other $100 was charged because you accidentally left the light on in your office and they metered the electricity and felt they didn't need to pay for it because you left the light on.
You are now cross eyed with fury and you go to your office and pack your box. You have put in the same 80 hours every two weeks you did before, but your company continued to take money out of your check for ridiculous reasons. Nobody from the EEOC can give you a straight answer and Call For Action sent you a letter saying they had too many cases to cover right now and yours would be added to a list and they would contact you later.
THAT'S what my depression feels like. In that story, my life is that job. I live it and work hard and start receiving my paycheck (happiness, joy, love, etc). for all my hard work. Suddenly, pieces of my hard work (life) feel like they are in vain and my paycheck (life rewards) is being snatched. I'm continuing to do my work (life my life) and work harder, but (like a snowball effect) I'm losing more of my paycheck (joy, happiness, self worth, etc.) Basically the harder I work for my life rewards, the harder it is to maintain them.
I have reached out to the EEOC (my doctor) and Call For Action (other places that offer counseling) and have come up empty on both accounts. The EECO (my doctors office) seems not to know what to do to help me and Call For Action (other counseling centers/offices) keep telling they can help me, but not during dates/times I can make it.
You've seen that Cymbalta commercial saying "Depression hurts....Cymbalta can help" It's not just a "mental hurt" it's physical too. Depression and anxiety goes hand in hand. My research and conclusion I've come up with from talking with other people is that the symptoms from depression and anxiety cross. They also mirror other health issues and is always suggested you get a diagnosis from your doctor.
I've had a few physicals this year and blood work and tests are fine. These physical symptoms I'm having are all anxiety and depression related. And it's a vicious cycle.
A persons BP is high because they're under stress. Stress leads to anxiety. Anxiety leads to depression. Depression causes one to withdraw from society and mentally/physically hurt. The doctor says that the BP will go down once the anxiety is absent but one is still stressed because their BP is high. Stress leads to anxiety and anxiety leads to depression....
And So It Goes.....
Disclaimer: I am not a doctor, counselor nor
a specialist. The things I say in here are not for medicinal
purposes. I have found that writing helps ease my anxiety and the
symptoms that go along with it. This is not meant to harm, offend or
piss anyone off. These are MY thoughts and feelings and I've added some
comedy relief. This is the way I am dealing with anxiety. It has been
said that laughter is the BEST medicine, although I've had to take
Lortabs in the past so I tend to disagree. But a nyways...grab a seat, a
Xanax, do some deep breathing and enjoy yourself.
Today I want to talk a little bit more where anxiety/panic attacks puts you MENTALLY.
I am currently using a self help kit called Midwest Center - Attacking Anxiety and Depression. My Mother In Law saw it on TV and called and ordered it for me. I am on disc 2 of the 15 disc set but I tell you what...though it sucks that other people are dealing/have dealt with this, it damn sure feels good to know that you aren't losing your freakin mind!
My last trip to the ER made me REALLY feel like I was losing my mind. I had all these things "wrong" with me and by the time I was wheeled back to a room, I was fine. My BP and heart rate had gone down. I didn't have a knot in my stomach and I no longer felt like I was about to rip off all my clothes and run down the street screaming.
Once the doctor came in and started asking me about what was wrong, nothing was (physically) wrong anymore. And that's the thing that makes you think you have some kind of disease or schizophrenia. One minute you're in so much pain you can't take it and the next minute it's rainbows and lollipops.
Listening to the groups on the discs my MIL got for me, I hear people talk about their experiences with anxiety and panic attacks and I find myself talking to the CD saying "YES" or "I KNOW" or "YOU TOO??" A wave of relief rushed over me when I heard this because I finally knew I wasn't alone. And all the reading in the world can educate you and help you, but there is NOTHING like actually TALKING to someone or hearing someone TALK about how they feel, what they're going through or what they went through.
Some of the things that really bother me now is sensitivity to light. If I'm looking at my laptop and then start looking at the TV, because the lights are different; it bothers my eyes. Or if I'm looking at my cell phone and then at the TV, that too bothers my eyes. There are times when I still feel like I'm headed to a mental institution, but I'm learning how to train myself NOT to think that anymore. Once the anxiety and depression starts to ebb, the symptoms will too.
It was also a relief to hear these people talk about their experiences and hear where they are in their life now. Sometimes I feel like this is going to be something that I have to deal with forever. But it's not. And these people were on meds and had panic attacks for YEARS. 10, 15, 20, 30 years. I have only been dealing with anxiety attacks since May, I couldn't image how these people do it for as long as they did.
I told my husband that once I beat this, I want to become a CERTIFIED counselor to help people like me. Since I've become kind of open about me having anxiety, people have opened up to me about their anxiety. Even if I'm just an ear to listen. Sometimes we just want to vent our frustrations and need someone that's actually experienced anxiety/panic attacks before to listen and confirm that we aren't on our way to Rubber Roomville.
Disclaimer: I am not a doctor, counselor nor
a specialist. The things I say in here are not for medicinal
purposes. I have found that writing helps ease my anxiety and the
symptoms that go along with it. This is not meant to harm, offend or
piss anyone off. These are MY thoughts and feelings and I've added some
comedy relief. This is the way I am dealing with anxiety. It has been
said that laughter is the BEST medicine, although I've had to take
Lortabs in the past so I tend to disagree. But anyways...grab a seat, a
Xanax, do some deep breathing and enjoy yourself.
One of the first things my doctor told me when my blood pressure was through the roof were two words that hurt me so bad. Cut me DEEP. I can't believe she's still allowed to practice medicine. She told me until I could get my BP down: no coffee. I looked at her and laughed before I said "I only drink one cup a day". She proceed to look at me with that "Does it look like I'm playing with you?" look and said "No coffee. You can drink decaf if you want."
I stood up and knocked her over, opened the door to the room and started knocking papers off desks, throwing whatever I could get my hand on and turning over the copier. That's what happened in my mind...
In reality, a small tear escaped the corner of my right eye. The lights in the room dimmed and the world was silent for about thirty seconds. No seriously. It was a soap opera moment. My son was in his stroller in front of me drinking juice, eating crackers and laughing...but I heard not a sound....
OY! I tried to quit cold turkey. I even took her advice and tried to switch to decaf. Decaf is the devil by the way. Decaf tastes like filtered motor oil. Not even dressed up with different flavored creamers is decaf anywhere near drinkable.
The first week was rough. I woke up in a bad mood because I knew I couldn't have a cup of REAL coffee. The mood swings...nothing nice. So I told myself "It won't hurt you if you have a cup of coffee every now and then" THEN the panic attacks started. I was STRONGLY advised by the nurse to let the caffeine go because it contibuted to anxious behavior and panic attacks. Say what? I thought she was nuttier than a squirrel turd. Coffee was my EVERYTHING!
So I told myself "SELF....You can do it. NO MORE COFFEE" And like a champ, I go against doctors orders and still have 2 cups a week. My last trip to the ER, the doctor told me to leave the coffee alone (after I admitted to still drinking coffee). I did tell her that if I had soda, it wasn't that often and it was either Sierra Mist or A&W, which is caffeine free so that should count for something right? Ha! She shook her head "NO" and said NO COFFEE. I asked her if I could counteract the anxiety coffee caused by taking a Xanax with a cup of coffee. She laughed and walked out of the room. Come to think of it....she never DID answer my question......
And so it goes....
Disclaimer: I am not a doctor, counselor nor
a specialist. The things I say in here are not for medicinal
purposes. I have found that writing helps ease my anxiety and the
symptoms that go along with it. This is not meant to harm, offend or
piss anyone off. These are MY thoughts and feelings and I've added some
comedy relief. This is the way I am dealing with anxiety. It has been
said that laughter is the BEST medicine, although I've had to take
Lortabs in the past so I tend to disagree. But anyways...grab a seat, a
Xanax, do some deep breathing and enjoy yourself.
The last blog I ended with talking about me finally agreeing to talk with a therapist. Buckle your seat belt and get ready for THIS ride.....
Even though I'm from the big city, I'm currently living in Smalltown, USA. The town in which I live is RIGHT NEXT DOOR to a military base.
How is living next to a military base relevant to what this blog is about? Soldiers and family of soldiers often have to seek therapy for PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and so you would think there would be a plethora of counselors, therapists and medial social workers on hand here to meet those needs. NOT!
My doctor and the ER doctor both had told me I needed to get help. Talk with a therapist to "retrain" my mind and take my daily worries and convert them into positive thoughts. It's easier pulling hornets teeth than finding a counselor you can sit down with and talk to. At least in my experience.
There is a center here that actually goes to employers and offers their counseling services for FREE. That should have been my first clue that these people were not worth the trouble.
I called on September 20th to set up an appointment and she told me their first opening was October 31st. (I'll wait while you count days/weeks) Really? I'm having severe anxiety attacks and I'm on the phone crying and you can't get me in for six weeks.
I call my doctor and asked if there was anywhere else I could go and her nurse told me that the center I couldn't get into actually had a walk in clinic and she gave the days and times of the walk in clinic. When I called to verify the dates/times, the woman on the phone told me they didn't do the walk in clinic anymore.
My wonderful husband gets on the phone and starts calling around trying to find someone I can go see and he gave me the names and numbers of the places that he actually made voice contact with. I called one place, set up an appointment with a woman. She could have seen me the next day, but I since I really don't want to drag my 20 month old to the sessions, I wanted to wait until that next Thursday where I could pay my $10 and leave him at the YMCA for 4 hours.
That Friday I had a bad, bad panic attack and my husband called the same center that I couldn't get into until October 31st and they told him that they had someone on hand that could see me right then. We get in the car and drive over there. When I got there they told me I had to speak with someone at their "response center" and then they would give the okay for the therapist to see me. Well, their "response center" is in a different building so they have this phone in the lobby. So you expect me to stand in the lobby where there are other people waiting and tell you my personal problems. EFF THAT!
The woman told me she would "okay" the therapist visit and I wait. And wait. And wait. What they failed to tell me was that they had to call another counselor at another center to come over. FINALLY the woman shows up. We talk and she tells me to come back Thursday to the Walk In Clinic. *record scratch* I explained to her I was told the walk in didn't exist anymore. She said that was not true.
Meanwhile, the other place I had an appointment at called and cancelled on me. Go Figure.
So Thursday rolls around. I drop my son off at the YMCA and go to the walk in clinic. The receptionist told me that the walk in clinic was for people without insurance. What? I told her to pull up my file and look at the notes. She read the notes and said "Oh okay, we'll see you today"
I have a seat and I'm waiting....and waiting....and waiting....and waiting. Finally I get up and ask what the hold up was. I was told that the ONLY person taking walk in patients that day was seeing people with appointments and I would be seen if one of the appointments didn't show up.
The ground started to shake....the sky darkened....the ground opened up and lava started spewing. YOU GOT TO EFFIN BE KIDDING ME!!! Your "Walk In Clinic" ONLY sees people if someone doesn't show up for their appointment? They obviously don't know the definition of "walk in".
So that's the shit I've dealt with while trying to find a therapist around here. That in itself has cause more stress than not attempting for find a therapist at all.
What do I do now? I take matters in my own hands.....
Disclaimer: I am not a doctor, counselor nor
a specialist. The things I say in here are not for medicinal
purposes. I have found that writing helps ease my anxiety and the
symptoms that go along with it. This is not meant to harm, offend or
piss anyone off. These are MY thoughts and feelings and I've added some
comedy relief. This is the way I am dealing with anxiety. It has been
said that laughter is the BEST medicine, although I've had to take
Lortabs in the past so I tend to disagree. But anyways...grab a seat, a
Xanax, do some deep breathing and enjoy yourself.
So when I first was told I had GAD in the ER, I was told to set up an appointment with my regular doctor. When I finally did, all she did was tell me about medication she could put me on and if you remember, at first I declined. I asked her what else could I do to stop panic attack and she told me Xanax.
She did tell me that therapy would help but one thing she didn't tell me to do. READ ABOUT IT!
Fast forward to another ER trip I took. It was in August 2013. This time I went in because it felt like someone was sitting on my chest and it felt like I had a lump in my throat. Here we go with another EKG, a chest xray, vials of blood and a cup of pee. Nothing but anxiety!
I told one of the nurses that I had been reading about it and she stopped me and said "There's your first problem, you shouldn't read about it. You should talk to your doctor."
Since was reading BAD? If I had not read about anxiety, the symptoms and whatnot, I would have taken thousands of trips to the ER and shoveled Xanax left and right.
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Nobody could tell me anything about anxiety but I was being advised NOT to read???? The ER doctor couldn't tell me anything about anxiety either and he told me to talk to my doctor as well. As I said before, I asked her questions and she didn't know anything either.
Some of the best information I've received has been to reading. I've read information from Mayo Clinic, WebMD, Anxiety Centre and other sites. No, you can't go self diagnosing yourself from these sites, but if you've taken as many trips to the doctor and had ER visits like I have, then these sites are helpful.
My doctor told me I needed to talk to a therapist to help me. At first I didn't want to because I was fully expecting the therapist to tell me that I had to talk to my doctor. Finally I break down and agree to go see someone.
What happened? Come back tomorrow and I'll fill you in on that hot mess of a situation. But in the meantime, don't read anything. Chances are that you'll find some useful information and won't have to give up that copay.....
Disclaimer: I am not a doctor, counselor nor
a specialist. The things I say in here are not for medicinal
purposes. I have found that writing helps ease my anxiety and the
symptoms that go along with it. This is not meant to harm, offend or
piss anyone off. These are MY thoughts and feelings and I've added some
comedy relief. This is the way I am dealing with anxiety. It has been
said that laughter is the BEST medicine, although I've had to take
Lortabs in the past so I tend to disagree. But anyways...grab a seat, a
Xanax, do some deep breathing and enjoy yourself.
Do you know how many mornings I wake up and automatically want to take one of these pills? I mean right out the gate. And it's only 1000mg. Do they have a 5000mg pill or can I take a 1000mg pill every 2-3 hours? Yes, it's that deep. But I'm not asking the RIGHT questions. The right question are Where do they sell these? How much are they? Do I need a prescription? Can I take it with just water or do I need to take it with food? What are the side effects? Wait...don't really care about the side effects. No seriously, if I'm going to take a pill called Fukitol, am I really worried about the side effects? Nope....
As an anxieter, you always wake up trying to anticipate what the day will bring. And if the previous day was bad, you try not to let the events carry over. But it doesn't always work like that. I can wake up on a Monday, have a good morning, a GREAT afternoon and then by evening, my mind has slipped into this mode where I'm expecting to have an anxiety attack. Why? Because I had a good day, that's why. In my mind, if I have a good day my night is supposed to suck. If not, my day is not balanced.
My mind is saying "Okay, you had a good day. So now it's time for you to get a migraine, cry and crave peanut butter cups...for no reason!" Yes, anxiety is 24 hour a day, seven day a week PMS. And the PMS stands for PLEASE MAKE IT STOP!
When I start to worry and/or have anxiety symptoms, I just want to wave my white flag and sit in the corner. That's the way it feels sometimes. All your efforts to think positive and have a good day can be ELIMINATED by just having anxious thoughts for five minutes.
I've read where if you feel yourself about to have a panic attack yell "STOP" over and over until you feel yourself calming down. I don't want to laugh at that but it's HILARIOUS! To me, yelling "STOP" can trigger your "fight or flight" mode which will drive you further into the abyss of anxiety.
My bad days physically drain me. I've released all my endorphins and I didn't even get off the couch and now I don't want to get off the couch because I'm endorphin deficient.
So the bad days are really for the birds. It can eat worms and fly away
like a bird. It can fly south for the winter and stay. Or better yet,
it can stay throughout the winter, freeze to death and die. #RIPAnxiety
Disclaimer: I am not a doctor, counselor nor
a specialist. The things I say in here are not for medicinal
purposes. I have found that writing helps ease my anxiety and the
symptoms that go along with it. This is not meant to harm, offend or
piss anyone off. These are MY thoughts and feelings and I've added some
comedy relief. This is the way I am dealing with anxiety. It has been
said that laughter is the BEST medicine, although I've had to take
Lortabs in the past so I tend to disagree. But anyways...grab a seat, a
Xanax, do some deep breathing and enjoy yourself.
What is GAD? Generalized Anxiety Disorder or GO AWAY DAMN-IT? I'll take the second choice for $500 Alex.
Anyone with GAD will tell you that this "condition" is for the birds and you want it to go away. There's a catch though. It doesn't just go away.
According to AnxietyCentre.com the definition of someone with GAD is someone who experiences anxiety on a day to day basis. The worry becomes chronic and causes them to worry about things that don't need to be worried about.
The site goes on to say: "Individuals with generalized anxiety disorder are always anticipating
doom, disaster, and the worst-case scenarios. They worry about
their health, money, family, work, and the world in general.
Their reason for worry is often hard to pinpoint. Even the
thought of getting through another day can bring on anxiety. Individuals with generalized anxiety disorder
feel that they can’t stop worrying, even though they know the subject
they are worrying about isn’t that serious." (via AnxietyCentre.com)
As if the "GO AWAY DAMNIT" blues haven't kicked in yet - we get to the physical symptoms of GAD. The daily aches and pains that you've never experienced before and now can't get rid of. There HUNDREDS of physical symptoms such as acute or chronic
fatigue; headaches; muscle tension, stiffness, and even debilitating
pain; general aches and pains; difficulty swallowing or feeling
like there is something stuck in their throat; trembling; uncontrollable
twitching; irritability; hot and cold flashes; profuse sweating
for no apparent reason; and lightheadedness or dizziness.
You can have one, ten or twenty of these symptoms at the same time. Some appear only when you're experiencing anxiety and some come and go as they please. And they don't just hang around for a few minutes, they can last for DAYS.
With these symptoms coming and going, it can wear on your nerves to where you think you're going crazy. I mean really, can I be hot, cold, sweaty, trembling, irritable, dizzy, stiff and numb all at the same time? And when you experience all this at the same time, you start thinking you need to be in a room with rubber walls singing Kumbaya and eating tapioca pudding because you sure don't feel "normal".
And so it goes.....
Disclaimer: I am not a doctor, counselor nor a specialist. The things I say in here are not for medicinal purposes. I have found that writing helps ease my anxiety and the symptoms that go along with it. This is not meant to harm, offend or piss anyone off. These are MY thoughts and feelings and I've added some comedy relief. This is the way I am dealing with anxiety. It has been said that laughter is the BEST medicine, although I've had to take Lortabs in the past so I tend to disagree. But anyways...grab a seat, a Xanax, do some deep breathing and enjoy yourself.
Friday, May 10, 2013
Typical ordinary rainy day. I'm at the dining room table working on my laptop, my son is in his playpen watching his favorite cartoon. Then out of nowhere, I get this sharp pain in my right shoulder. It didn't feel right. Then something prompts me to check my blood pressure, as it had recently been all over the place. 200/100. I grab my phone and call my husband at work and told him I needed to go to the ER because my blood pressure spiked. Never mind that an hour before that, my blood pressure was 132/77.
He said he's on his way and I go to my room to put on some clothes (I was wearing pajama bottoms and sans a bra under my tshirt). As I walk into my closet, I got extremely warm and my heart was pounding through my chest. My vision blurred for a minute and I didn't feel right. 9-1-1!
As I'm on the phone with 911, I walk across the hallway to my neighbor to ask them to watch my son as I try to convince the operator I was having a heart attack. I sat down and suddenly felt cold. In my mind I was thinking "I'm going cold...heart is racing...this is the end! I'M NOT READY!!!"
The ambulance pulls up outside and I walk right out to the EMT and he asks me what's going on. By now I couldn't hardly catch my breath. He felt my pulse and asked me "Do you suffer from panic attacks?" My response was "Why are you asking me about panic attacks when I'm standing here having a heart attack?" He chuckled and told me if I was having a heart attack, I wouldn't be standing there talking to him like I was. My husband pulls up as I climb in the back of the ambulance and the other tech talks to him.
5 vials of blood, and IV, EKG and cup of urine later - I'm fine. My blood pressure is back to normal. I'm still rather cold and I can't stop my legs from twitching. The ER doctor comes in and starts talking to me about anxiety and panic attacks. In my mind I'm yelling "WHAT THE HELL DOES ANXIETY HAVE TO DO WITH THE HEART EPISODE I JUST HAD???"
He sees the confusion on my face and begins to talk to me about anxiety and asked me about any stress going on in my life. The previous eight months had held alot of stress for me and I explained to him the events that happened. He said "My dear, you suffer from what we call Generalized Anxiety Disorder."
Disorder? Anxiety? "Do I need medication?" I asked. He told me to follow up with my family doctor and go from there.
I pull out my phone find this website called Anxiety Centre and read up on symptoms. Oh Em Gee - that's exactly what happened to me.
I was in denial about having GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder) and didn't go see my doctor about it until a month later. I had had several smaller panic attacks and decided it was time to face the music. She wrote me a prescription for Xanax and told me to follow up when I ran out.
Today is Wednesday, October 16 and out of that prescription of 30 pills the doctor wrote for me in June, I still have 9 of those Xanax. So I'm doing good, right? Eh...wouldn't go that far.
Stick with me as I share my experiences, thoughts and happenings.
Welcome to The Daily Anxieter!
