Disclaimer: I am not a doctor, counselor nor
a specialist. The things I say in here are not for medicinal
purposes. I have found that writing helps ease my anxiety and the
symptoms that go along with it. This is not meant to harm, offend or
piss anyone off. These are MY thoughts and feelings and I've added some
comedy relief. This is the way I am dealing with anxiety. It has been
said that laughter is the BEST medicine, although I've had to take
Lortabs in the past so I tend to disagree. But a nyways...grab a seat, a
Xanax, do some deep breathing and enjoy yourself.
Some people think that if you busy yourself with things to do, that anxiety will stay away. And it will temporarily. Anxiety/Panic attacks are oxymorons. They're dumb, but oh so smart.
The tricky thing about anxiety and panic attacks is, it doesn't check your schedule to see if you have time to panic and be anxious. It doesn't sync with your calendar on your phone to see what times and days you have available to be anxious. You won't open your daily planner and see: You're scheduled to be anxious on Wednesday and Friday and EXTREMELY anxious on Saturday. Sunday you're scheduled to have a full blown panic attack somewhere between 11am and 4pm with LOTS of physical symptoms that won't go away immediately after, so make sure you're at home.
I'm a Stay At Home Mother with a VERY active 21 month old. He wants to climb out of his play area, knock stuff down, change the channel on the cable box, look out the blinds (which wouldn't be so bad if he wasn't using all the force in his 31 pound body to pull on the blinds to look out of them), etc. etc. so on and so on. He requires 24 hour monitoring. While drinking his juice, he likes to spit it out on his clothes. While eating, he likes to throw food on the flood, behind him and down his shirt. I can't even clean up the house most days because I have to constantly keep my eye on him. He's a typical toddler.
If I have any errands to run, then I have to drag the midget all over town with me. He's usually pretty good but we all know you can move faster by yourself. But I don't mind taking him along. We talk and see stuff and if he's good, I'll grab him some Teddy Grahams or a bag of apple slices from Sonic so he can munch on.
Then once my husband gets home, if I haven't already started dinner, then I have to do that. And clean up. And do anything else I need to do. Oh, I have to find 2-3 days to make it to the Y and do my 45 minute workout. *whew*
With all that on my plate five days a week, where do I have time to be anxious? I don't! And if anxiety was to schedule a time with me, I'd have to cancel and tell it to try again next week or next month. In a perfect world...
But this world isn't perfect. People that have anxiety/panic attacks have attacks whether they're bogged down with things to do or sitting at home watching paint dry. I've learned that the hard way. Anxiety/panic attacks do not care. They're ruthless. It has no respect for you, your time or your feelings. It doesn't care if you're in a room by yourself or a room full of people.
Anxiety - you....YOU SUCK. And I don't have time for you anymore. Consider yourself evicted! In a perfect world....
And So It Goes....
Disclaimer: I am not a doctor, counselor nor
a specialist. The things I say in here are not for medicinal
purposes. I have found that writing helps ease my anxiety and the
symptoms that go along with it. This is not meant to harm, offend or
piss anyone off. These are MY thoughts and feelings and I've added some
comedy relief. This is the way I am dealing with anxiety. It has been
said that laughter is the BEST medicine, although I've had to take
Lortabs in the past so I tend to disagree. But a nyways...grab a seat, a
Xanax, do some deep breathing and enjoy yourself.
It's THAT time of the year again.
I, personally, am thankful and blessed to have a WONDERFUL husband, an AWESOME son and family to spend the holidays with. Some, however, aren't that fortunate.
I always wish there was something I could do for the sick and shut in during these times. My husband was in the hospital for most of the holiday season last year and I saw people that didn't have friends or family visit them and it can tug on your heart strings.
This year I'm also more partial to people with anxiety and depression. They've either lost family members (whether they passed away or the anxiety has made them separate themselves from the family) and this time of year can deepen the depression/anxiety.
To people with anxiety/depression, we'll often stay away from gatherings anyway, but ESPECIALLY at Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner? Why? There are hundreds of reasons why. You think that if someone knows about your "condition" they'll tell other family members and you're wondering if Uncle Joe is looking at you because he hasn't seen you in a year or because he's thinking "Yeah...I heard she's crazy now"
You think that once you sit down to dinner and start feeling anxious, because of all the activity going on around you, that will heighten your anxiety and you'll start acting weird and run out of the house screaming, ripping your hair out follicle by follicle or stripping your clothes off in the middle of the street because you're in such a tizzy.
People are sitting around talking and laughing, but you're tired of the facade. Instead of participating in the cooking, making dinner preparation or trips down memory lane conversations, you sit there pretending to watch the Packers game or read a book/magazine. Truth is, you're not happy and you have nothing to say to anybody because you don't want to bring down the mood of the atmosphere.
Xanax (or whatever medication you're taking) is now your security blanket. Commercials on TV and radio taunt you. I mean, you can't even go into McDonalds without Christmas being shoved down your throat. This makes you extra, extra anxious. Unfortunately, for people that are extremely lonely or depressed, this is where illegal drugs and heavy alcohol come into play.
This is my first year dealing with anxiety/depression so I don't know how I'm going to feel on Thanksgiving Day when my husbands family gathers at his grandmothers house. Will I go or will I stay at home? I can't determine that yet. In my mind, I really want to go because I always enjoy myself. AT THE SAME TIME, I don't want to have a "moment" or be in a mood and have my aura interrupt the good time they're having.
So if you know someone with anxiety/depression don't FORCE them to come to your granny's house or your best friends cousins house for dinner. Ask them to stop by. If they decline, tell them you want to come pay them a visit. If they decline that offer, don't feel bad or get mad at them. You remember that old break up like "It's not you, it's me"? Well it REALLY is them and you've got to respect their feelings and wishes as you want yours respected. You've reached out and to them and that shows you care. I don't know about anyone else, but that would make me feel damn special!
And So It Goes.....
Disclaimer: I am not a doctor, counselor nor
a specialist. The things I say in here are not for medicinal
purposes. I have found that writing helps ease my anxiety and the
symptoms that go along with it. This is not meant to harm, offend or
piss anyone off. These are MY thoughts and feelings and I've added some
comedy relief. This is the way I am dealing with anxiety. It has been
said that laughter is the BEST medicine, although I've had to take
Lortabs in the past so I tend to disagree. But a nyways...grab a seat, a
Xanax, do some deep breathing and enjoy yourself.
*in my Sophia Patrillo voice* Picture this.... *insert your city/state name here*....2013....
Imagine you got a good paying job. In a two week time frame, you work your 80 hours and get your paycheck and see how much it is AFTER taxes and you're yelling "BALLER". The next two weeks you work your 80 hours and get your paycheck and its the same amount. This is a job you like AND the pay is great.
Then six months in, you work your 80 hours in a two week time frame but your pay check is $100 short. You ask payroll why and they tell you "We had to print your check because you don't have direct deposit so we charge for that" You're upset and start making phone calls to the EEOC and writing letters to Call For Action because you're sure you're getting ripped off. In the meantime, you switch to direct deposit because you don't want to pay that extra $100. The next two weeks come and go, you worked your 80 hours and you get your check and now its $200 short. NOW you're spitting lava. You stomp up to payroll and they tell you $100 of that went into processing paperwork for your direct deposit and the other $100 was a fee they charged you from switching from a paper check to direct deposit.
You're now LIVID. You still hadn't received a call back from the EEOC and Call For Action said they got your letter and someone will call you back ASAP.
You work your 80 hours and get your paycheck and now it's $300 short. You make it to payroll so fast you're not sure your feet actually touched the ground. This week they tell you that $100 was for you coming to talk to them two weeks ago and was an agent fee, $100 was taken because the company switched payroll systems and they had to re-enter your information and was a processing fee and the other $100 was charged because you accidentally left the light on in your office and they metered the electricity and felt they didn't need to pay for it because you left the light on.
You are now cross eyed with fury and you go to your office and pack your box. You have put in the same 80 hours every two weeks you did before, but your company continued to take money out of your check for ridiculous reasons. Nobody from the EEOC can give you a straight answer and Call For Action sent you a letter saying they had too many cases to cover right now and yours would be added to a list and they would contact you later.
THAT'S what my depression feels like. In that story, my life is that job. I live it and work hard and start receiving my paycheck (happiness, joy, love, etc). for all my hard work. Suddenly, pieces of my hard work (life) feel like they are in vain and my paycheck (life rewards) is being snatched. I'm continuing to do my work (life my life) and work harder, but (like a snowball effect) I'm losing more of my paycheck (joy, happiness, self worth, etc.) Basically the harder I work for my life rewards, the harder it is to maintain them.
I have reached out to the EEOC (my doctor) and Call For Action (other places that offer counseling) and have come up empty on both accounts. The EECO (my doctors office) seems not to know what to do to help me and Call For Action (other counseling centers/offices) keep telling they can help me, but not during dates/times I can make it.
You've seen that Cymbalta commercial saying "Depression hurts....Cymbalta can help" It's not just a "mental hurt" it's physical too. Depression and anxiety goes hand in hand. My research and conclusion I've come up with from talking with other people is that the symptoms from depression and anxiety cross. They also mirror other health issues and is always suggested you get a diagnosis from your doctor.
I've had a few physicals this year and blood work and tests are fine. These physical symptoms I'm having are all anxiety and depression related. And it's a vicious cycle.
A persons BP is high because they're under stress. Stress leads to anxiety. Anxiety leads to depression. Depression causes one to withdraw from society and mentally/physically hurt. The doctor says that the BP will go down once the anxiety is absent but one is still stressed because their BP is high. Stress leads to anxiety and anxiety leads to depression....
And So It Goes.....
