Depression CAN hurt.....

Disclaimer: I am not a doctor, counselor nor a specialist.  The things I say in here are not for medicinal purposes.  I have found that writing helps ease my anxiety and the symptoms that go along with it.  This is not meant to harm, offend or piss anyone off.  These are MY thoughts and feelings and I've added some comedy relief.  This is the way I am dealing with anxiety.  It has been said that laughter is the BEST medicine, although I've had to take Lortabs in the past so I tend to disagree. But a nyways...grab a seat, a Xanax, do some deep breathing and enjoy yourself.

 *in my Sophia Patrillo voice*  Picture this.... *insert your city/state name here*....2013....

Imagine you got a good paying job.  In a two week time frame, you work your 80 hours and get your paycheck and see how much it is AFTER taxes and you're yelling "BALLER".  The next two weeks you work your 80 hours and get your paycheck and its the same amount.  This is a job you like AND the pay is great.  

Then six months in, you work your 80 hours in a two week time frame but your pay check is $100 short.  You ask payroll why and they tell you "We had to print your check because you don't have direct deposit so we charge for that"  You're upset and start making phone calls to the EEOC and writing letters to Call For Action because you're sure you're getting ripped off.  In the meantime, you switch to direct deposit because you don't want to pay that extra $100. The next two weeks come and go, you worked your 80 hours and you get your check and now its $200 short.  NOW you're spitting lava.  You stomp up to payroll and they tell you $100 of that went into processing paperwork for your direct deposit and the other $100 was a fee they charged you from switching from a paper check to direct deposit.

You're now LIVID.  You still hadn't received a call back from the EEOC and Call For Action said they got your letter and someone will call you back ASAP.

You work your 80 hours and get your paycheck and now it's $300 short.  You make it to payroll so fast you're not sure your feet actually touched the ground.  This week they tell you that $100 was for you coming to talk to them two weeks ago and was an agent fee, $100 was taken because the company switched payroll systems and they had to re-enter your information and was a processing fee and the other $100 was charged because you accidentally left the light on in your office and they metered the electricity and felt they didn't need to pay for it because you left the light on.

You are now cross eyed with fury and you go to your office and pack your box. You have put in the same 80 hours every two weeks you did before, but your company continued to take money out of your check for ridiculous reasons.  Nobody from the EEOC can give you a straight answer and Call For Action sent you a letter saying they had too many cases to cover right now and yours would be added to a list and they would contact you later.

THAT'S what my depression feels like.  In that story, my life is that job.  I live it and work hard and start receiving my paycheck (happiness, joy, love, etc). for all my hard work.  Suddenly, pieces of my hard work (life) feel like they are in vain and my paycheck (life rewards) is being snatched. I'm continuing to do my work (life my life) and work harder, but (like a snowball effect) I'm losing more of my paycheck (joy, happiness, self worth, etc.)  Basically the harder I work for my life rewards, the harder it is to maintain them.

I have reached out to the EEOC (my doctor) and Call For Action (other places that offer counseling) and have come up empty on both accounts.  The EECO (my doctors office) seems not to know what to do to help me and Call For Action (other counseling centers/offices) keep telling they can help me, but not during dates/times I can make it.  

You've seen that Cymbalta commercial saying "Depression hurts....Cymbalta can help"  It's not just a "mental hurt" it's physical too.  Depression and anxiety goes hand in hand.  My research and conclusion I've come up with from talking with other people is that the symptoms from depression and anxiety cross.  They also mirror other health issues and is always suggested you get a diagnosis from your doctor.  

I've had a few physicals this year and blood work and tests are fine.  These physical symptoms I'm having are all anxiety and depression related.  And it's a vicious cycle.

A persons BP is high because they're under stress.  Stress leads to anxiety.  Anxiety leads to depression.  Depression causes one to withdraw from society and mentally/physically hurt.  The doctor says that the BP will go down once the anxiety is absent but one is still stressed because their BP is high.  Stress leads to anxiety and anxiety leads to depression.... 

And So It Goes.....