rev·e·la·tion
ˌrevəˈlāSHən/noun
noun: revelation; plural noun: revelations
1.
a surprising and previously unknown fact, esp. one that is made known in a dramatic way.I had a revelation today. Oh my word....it never occurred to me until like five minutes ago. I had to lay my son down and ran to the computer to write this.
I'm still dealing with the anxiety/depression issues, but I have gotten better. My doctor put me on a daily medication that I took myself off of. (Disclaimer: I do NOT recommend you stopping any medication given to you by your doctor without talking to them first. Don't you DARE stop taking a medication and say "Well she did it and it worked for her") Why? Because I didn't feel it was hurting me...but I didn't feel it was helping me either. Paying $20/month for a prescription that isn't working - just isn't working.
BUT I've been doing alot of thinking. Yes...that can be dangerous in my case but it's an evil necessity. There have been a chain of events that lead to this monumental brain event and like a slap in the face...I got my revelation.
What is it? ----> I have a fear of success. *listening to the sound of the gasps and cell phones dropping*
I didn't stutter. I did not type a wrong word. I am scared of succeeding. How did I come to that conclusion?
I have gotten so comfortable in my rut (that damn devil....LIAR LIAR LIAR) that I'm scared to do better for fear that it's a set up. I've gotten so comfortable being the center of my own pity party that I refuse to end the celebration. *throws confetti*
I have recently started making jewelry. My husband was telling me to set up an Etsy page or a page on Ebay and then a PayPal account. Rather than get excited, I started talking about how I didn't want to pay a listing fee on Etsy and then a fee for making a sale then pay PayPal for money going into that account, etc. etc. blah blah blah so on and so on. I'm a Gemini, so my evil side is laughing at me while my good side is smacking me upside my head....then trying on the earrings I made and then smacking me again.
I'm scared of going back to the gym. I have a fear that I'll go to the gym and improve my health and become a better person for it. Craziest thing I have ever come to terms with. Who ever heard of someone being scared to going to the gym? I know I need to get back into the gym and work out even if I don't lose a single pound (Yes, I'm still salty about that for those who know that story) but I've gotten so comfortable leaning on that story, I haven't been since November.
BUT - this isn't as rare of a "condition" as you think. It's called getting out of your own way. I see people standing in their own way all the time. I see people thinking they need other people to be successful and they don't.
I can and WILL be better than I am now.
As I look at the calendar, it's been almost a year since I went to the doctor and my blood pressure was through the roof. Ironically that was the beginning of my anxiety/depression issues as well. I made an attempt to correct the problem and didn't feel I was making any progress so I just stop putting forth effort all together.
New fact that isn't an actually a fact but I'm calling it a fact anyway: Being comfortable is now a curse. It can and will hurt you.
Moral of this: A rolling stone gathers no moss. I don't want to sit and grow moss. I'd rather roll.
*rolling on*
